Earlier today this talk by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland was posted by another one of my friends on her blog and I felt like such an amazing talk could use all the sharing it could get. As a disclaimer, if I could pick my favorite apostle to listen to, it would be Elder Holland. His talks never fail to move me. This one is among my most-frequently-referred-back-to-talks. As I was reading over it tonight, new things stood out to me that hadn't before. During the talk he refers to Moses and several of his experiences with receiving revelation and his efforts in leading the children of Israel out of Egypt. He mentions how they lost sight of the amazing experiences that brought them out of Egypt and how they wanted to turn back.
In response to this, Elder Holland says, "How soon we forget. It would not have been better to stay and serve the Egyptians, and it is not better to remain outside the Church nor to reject a mission call nor to put off marriage and so on and so on forever. Of course our faith will be tested as we fight through these self-doubts and second thoughts. Some days we will be miraculously led out of Egypt--seemingly free, seemingly on our way--only to come to yet another confrontation, like all that water lying before us. At those times we must resist the temptation to panic and to give up. At those times fear will be the strongest of the adversary's weapons against us."
I would definitely say that fear is one of the greatest tools that Satan uses against me, and at times is effective in causing anxiety in my life. But, without fail, just like the Israelites, I can turn back to a myriad of experiences I've had where I know that I could not have possibly accomplished what I did without the help of the Lord. One of these experiences in particular was returning to the mission field after a combined six months of leave due to medical issues. In some cases, returning to the field after coming home, depending on the situation, is not a huge difficulty. But, in my case, it seemed the doors that lead back to returning to the field were being closed in every direction. I wanted desperately to go back to the field, and in time, it seemed I would, but the date seemed to be moving farther and farther into the future. Then, through the prayers and fasting of my parents, all the right doors opened at the right time, and my time for returning to my mission was put back on track. This experience, among so many others, always reminds me that ultimately the Lord knows infinitely better than me, and He will always be there to help me accomplish what He wants me to. Today I really needed to be reminded that, and to not turn back on those experiences that have brought me to where I am today.
Another quote that stood out to me was this, "Fighting through darkness and despair and pleading for the light is what opened this dispensation. It is what keeps it going, and it is what will keep you going".
Lesson learned: The fight isn't over, and I plan to keep on fighting it until the end of my days.
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